Skip to main content

What to Look for in a Spouse

Among the many things to consider, start with these basics.
In America, we marry someone we love and have compatibility. Romantic love, as we know it, has three dimensions--commitment, intimacy, and passion (Sternberg, 1986). Commitment involves the willingness of the self to give to the other and be faithful to the relationship. Christians should look for more than commitment because holy marriage is based on covenant. Covenant is an unbreakable promise made to another for life. Find a potential partner who believes in covenant.
Intimacy refers to the ability to connect emotionally and in friendship with another. Does your partner show evidence of this capacity? Intimacy should progressively grow in a relationship. That intimacy should be spiritual, emotional, psychological, and behavioral. If you see signs of intimacy problems, get help or break off the relationship.
Passion relates to attraction and sexual response. You should feel attracted to the person you marry. Attraction grows as you come to appreciate the other for more than just their appearance. Sexual passion is desired as well. But because you are to exercise self-control in sexual exploration, you might wonder about passion. If you have attraction going, and other parts of the relationship are strong, there should be no trouble with sexual passion when the right moment comes.
Before a couple marries, an equal amount of these three dimensions should be present. Pay attention to these areas. If they are missing or problematic, rethink the relationship or start couple counseling.
Similar backgrounds (in terms of class, education, occupation, age, race, politics, religion, etc.) attract. This doesn’t mean that every dimension of your life must be the same as your partner’s- -that’s called boring! It does mean that the more similar you are on the big issues of life, the less conflict and stress you will face.
For example, you might marry someone of another ethnic group. You may have a great relationship, but you will face the prejudices of others. This puts stress on the relationship. Couples vary in their abilities to handle stress and differences. Be aware that the less similar you are, the more potential there is for conflict. Conflict isn’t a relationship killer. How you handle conflict and cope with conflict is key.
Occasionally, opposites do find each other, but studies show that opposite attraction is usually related to personality factors not values. Overall, we tend to look for someone similar to us in values and who has qualities we desire -- attractive, similar interests, humorous, empathetic, adaptable, flexible, can communicate, can delay gratification, has a good self-image, etc.
While you may think finding the above is a dream list and that no such person exists, it’s important to look for these things prior to marriage. If you do, you’ll begin marriage on a much happier note.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

THE EFFECT OF DRUG ABUSE ON TEENS

Teenagers often experiment with a variety of activities and substances. Unfortunately, this experimentation can lead to substance abuse and addiction. Statistics show that drug abuse is a growing problem among teens. In addition to cocaine, Ecstasy and other club drugs, a recent Monitoring the Future Study showed that the top six most abused drugs by teens are: marijuana (31.5%), Vicodin (9.7%), amphetamines (8.1%), cough medicine (6.9%), sedatives & tranquilizers (6.6% each). Without treatment, the effects of drug abuse on teens can lead to serious consequences now and well into adulthood. Signs of Teen Drug Abuse There are many symptoms of drug abuse, but some of the most common signs your teen is abusing drugs are: * Problems with the law, such as DUI, breaking curfew, stealing, etc. * Problems at school, such as excessive tardiness, poor grades, suspension, etc. * Mood swings * Loss of interest in favorite activities * Drug paraphernalia * Violent behavior ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Unripe Pawpaw Heals Ulcer - Nutritionist

A new medical report has revealed how unripe pawpaws can heal both external and internal ulcers alongside increase your libido when cooked and eaten. Unripe pawpaw In a recent interview with News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) in Abuja, a Nigerian nutritionist, Aisha Abdullahi, revealed how unripe pawpaw can be very beneficial to those with ulcer. [article_adwert] According to her, unripe pawpaw contains high percentage of papain, which makes it a wonderful food that helps the digestive system function better. Aside form that, unripe pawpaws have numerous benefits because of its generous contents of vitamins A, B and C, fibre and protein, and others. She said that when an unripe pawpaw is consumed on an empty stomach, it helps protein to digest quite fast, reduces inflammation, improves immune system and also fight bacteria and viruses. She also noted that unripe pawpaw was an anti-inflammatory supplement which helps in reducing inflammation, including osteoarthritis ...
Post a Comment
Read more

THE MAGIC OF HONEY AND CINNAMON!+THIS COMBO CAN CURE MOST DISEASES.

TOP SECRETS ABOUT Cinnamon and Honey...!  (Drug companies won't like this one getting around.) Facts on Honey and Cinnamon: It is found that a mix of honey and cinnamon cures most diseases. Honey is produced in most of the countries of the world. Scientists of today also note honey as very effective medicine for all kinds of diseases. Honey can be used without side effects which is also a plus. Today's science says that even though honey is sweet, when it is taken in the right dosage as a medicine, it does not harm even diabetic patients. Researched by western scientists: HEART DISEASES: Make a paste of honey and cinnamon powder, put it on toast instead of jelly and jam and eat it regularly for breakfast. It reduces the cholesterol and could potentially save one from heart attack. Also, even if you have already had an attack studies show you could be kept miles away from the next attack. Regular use of cinnamon honey strengthens the heart beat. In America and Can...
Post a Comment
Read more